How to be a Great Friend to an HSP
One in five people are HSP's so chances are you are friends with at least one of us. Though we may require a little more care than the average person, we make really great friends because of our HSP trait. We tend to be very loyal, thoughtful to a fault, and highly empathic. Our sensitivity can tend to scare people off, especially if you've had a negative experience with someone who was not very self aware.
I realize that as a non-HSP reading this you might be a little offended or feel like I'm asking too much of you. Understand that because HSP's are a minority we are swimming in your world. We work constantly to adapt and recover from a non-HSP world that can be wonderful and overwhelming. My purpose is simply to provide some helpful suggestions for non-HSP's who love or care about someone with the HSP trait.
Here are some suggestions that I've observed in my friendships to work really well:
- Don't take it personally when your HSP friend is reluctant to commit to plans in the future. He is just trying to take care of himself while also making you happy without making a promise that might have to be broken. (Yes, that is the thought process we go through every time you ask if we want to have coffee).
- Understand if your HSP friend needs to take time for herself - she's not hiding away from or rejecting you but likely is just recovering. The more patient you are with her, the more grateful she will be when she's ready to rejoin the world.
- Let him know that you respect his experience of the world and his need to take it in at his own pace.
- If she seems overwhelmed, ask how you can help. Definitely do not rush her.
- If you go to an event together that is filled with lots of sights and sounds, understand that he may need to escape periodically to get away from the sensory overload.
- Warn her if you're about to tell her some news that has an element of shock to it. Ask if it's an ok time to hear something unpleasant; she may say "not now". Know that she takes things deeply to heart so she may have a larger than typical reaction. Consider whether she even needs to hear about it.
I'm very cautious about making plans for events where I know there will be sensory overload. I'm generally a maybe until the last minute because it depends on my stimulation level. I need my loved ones to just understand this and not take it as a reflection on them.
Before I understood about my HSP trait, I would disappear for periods of time. I can see now how this might be hurtful to my loved ones. I work hard now to take good care of myself so that I can plan my "disappearances" so that they don't negatively affect my relationships. If you think this is what is happening, take good care of yourself and rather than getting angry with your friend, ask her if she's overstimmed. For HSP's it can feel like the world is a ride that is spinning out of control. Our attempts to slow down the "ride" are often met with judgmental comments, so supportive comments will go a long way toward making us feel cared for and seen.
All this said, I'm so blessed to have an amazing set of friends who accept me just as I am and support me to take care of myself. And a huge shout out to my fabulous non-HSP, extroverted husband who is always supportive.
I'd love to hear questions from non-HSP's as well as other ideas from HSP's about what they need from family and friends.
Blessings!
Caprice
