I Will Not Apologize
I get it. It can be annoying having to deal with us sensitive folks. You're just going about your life and you are told something you're doing isn't working for your sensitive friend. You're trying to be thoughtful and considerate and put yourself in their shoes but sometimes can't they just chill?
Here's the thing. Before I knew about all this sensitive stuff, I really thought a lot of people were deliberately inconsiderate. I was not taught how to ask for what I needed. My primary role model for being an adult woman modeled lack of self awareness, absorbing it all and getting depressed. I decided that the getting depressed part was not for me but I knew nothing about the other parts. So for a long time I vacillated between being angry, not being able to do anything about it and getting depressed.
As a result of personal growth and elevating the quality of my friendships, I have learned to express my needs in a kind way. This has dramatically increased my happiness and made my relationships stronger. Finding out I have an actual biologically based trait called Sensory Processing Sensitivity or High Sensitivity has dramatically changed my life for the better.
Not knowing I was HSP, I got constant, regular feedback from the world that there was something off about me. My need to escape crowded, noisy places and my desire to have deep, meaningful conversations set me apart from my peers for a very long time. In high school, I thought most people were mean. Now I understand they were just teenagers (likely not HSP's) trying to survive high school like the rest of us. In my 20's I really felt something was wrong with me because I didn't want to go to noisy bars and get drunk. In my 30's I accepted I wasn't like most other people and still felt bad about it but knew I just had to be me.
Then in my 40's I discovered High Sensitivity and it changed my whole world. I now see there is nothing wrong at all with me and, in fact, there are huge blessings to being an HSP. And there is also nothing wrong with non-HSP's. I just need to care for myself at a higher level so that I can thrive in a world and culture that caters to non-HSP's. I spent a lot of time in my younger years feeling bad about myself and trying to "toughen up" - trust me, it's not really possible to toughen up and be authentic as an HSP. I apologized a lot with my words and there was a way in which I was simply a living, breathing apology.
No more! I cannot bring my gifts to the world when my energy is focused on apology. I will apologize if I hurt someone or make a mistake or forget a commitment. I will not apologize for who I am and how I was born. I will take good care of myself so I'm not forcing non-HSP's to walk on eggshells for me. And I will ask for what I need as an HSP and trust that those who love and care for me will want to work together with me to find equitable solutions and compromises. I know that my sensitivity is a gift and when I tell my son we have Super Powers, I really mean it. I feel so thankful to have the trait and to have learned about it.
Blessings!
Caprice
