To Push or Not to Push

My parents decided to send me to sleep away camp when I was 9. They had the best intentions, I know. Society was telling them I needed to be pushed out of my "shyness". While I know they just wanted the best for me it was an utter disaster. I'm still traumatized by the whole thing.

Several factors made it much harder than it needed to be. I didn't know a single soul there. Virtually every activity involved sports and I was not a sporty kid in the least. I had only just learned to swim and so I was probably the least skilled swimmer there and every other activity was in the lake.

I don't remember too many specific events as well as summer camp but I do recall there was a definite agenda to "get Caprice past her shyness". We live in a culture here in the US that values everything to do with being an extrovert who loves big, noisy celebrations. So it's understandable the 20% who are not like that would be misunderstood and seen as having a problem that needs to be fixed.

When our son was little, we noticed early on that while he was a social child, he needed about a 30 minute warm up time when meeting a new group of people. He would just kind of hang back around the fringes and observe. We never pushed him to join in. Once his warm up time was over, he would plunge right in and make friends. When he would reach his limit he would come back to us (usually mom) for comfort and hugs and a little respite. Then he'd join right back in. We loved and celebrated his cautious nature and we hope that bodes well for his teen years (fingers crossed). We took it as a sign that he is sensible and thinks things through before jumping in.

I truly believe that because of this approach our son is the sociable, confident kid he is today. We trusted him to listen to his instincts, which taught him to trust himself. That was not the way things were done when I was a kid growing up in the 70's. If you actually looked more carefully at me, you would have seen a kid who did make friends. I always had a best friend and then a few others. I may not have been hanging out with a large, rowdy crowd, but I knew how to make connections with my peers and I was selective about who I connected with.

Through my experiences as an introverted HSP child and being the mom of an HSP son, I'm 100% clear the only way to work with children is to listen to them, trust their instincts and guide them with respect for their innate nature in the direction you want them to go. Let's celebrate all the different ways our kids approach the world and then help them refine their approaches. The kid who is aggressive will likely grow into someone who is a motivating force if guided with loving, firm parental hands. The "shy" kid can grow into a leader also with the right parenting. The HSP child will grow into an adult who has great wisdom and keen insights to offer, especially if taught to trust his or her instincts.

Blessings!

Caprice

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#hsp #push #camp